


The Way He Feels ||Jelix||

by TinyToxicBoxes



Category: PewDiePie - Fandom, jacksepticeye, markiplier - Fandom, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Anxious Felix, Anxious Sean, Bullying, Confusing feeling, F/M, High School AU, Homophobic Language, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Multi, Multiple Endings, Self-Harm, also very gay, depressed Sean, homophobic parents, idk - Freeform, missing dads, okay extremely gay, slightly fast paced, stereotypical gay Mark, very platonic, very sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2018-12-01 20:55:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 16,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11494581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinyToxicBoxes/pseuds/TinyToxicBoxes
Summary: High school AU with Jelix. Jack is getting bullied constantly and Felix is the only person who makes it better





	1. Leave Sean Alone!

**Author's Note:**

> https://youtu.be/ejwCD32q4gc
> 
> Theme Song of the story ^

"Ha! He can't even hold himself up!"

"Come on, Sean! Get up!" 

Kick!

 

Sean groaned in pain, holding his stomach. Why him? Was it because he was too happy? Was everyone forced to suffer pain at least once in their life? Well, he wouldn't wish this upon anyone else.. He'd rather take it than someone else.  
From afar, Felix was watching, clutching his books tightly. He was in the same grade as Sean, even though he was a year older. His stomach turned with hate and disbelief. How could they be so cruel to such a sweetheart? It pissed Felix off. He sighed and quickly put his books in his backpack. He made his way over to the scene. 

"Hey! Leave Sean alone!" he yelled protectively. He dropped his back pack off his shoulders. He stood right next to Sean's shaking body. The bully on one side and Felix on the other. Sean just wanted out of this. He didn't want to be there. He nervously peeked up at Felix who was staring the bully with a glare.

The bully's name was Chad Pickers. Chad was an asshole, always picking on those who were smaller. He was pretty strong too, which made others even more afraid. Felix was honestly scared of getting the shit beat out of him, but he couldn't just stand by and let Sean get beaten up! Chad raised his leg back, as if to give Sean another kick. Sean quickly curled up again, too scared to move. "And if I don't?"

Felix's eyes quickly averted to the movement of Chad's leg. He wanted to kill this prick. "Don't you fucking dare.." he said quietly, feeling his anxiety rise as he didn't know what to do. Chad smirked at Felix's answer.

"Got nothin' huh?" Chad flung his leg quickly, shoving his foot into Sean's gut. Felix's eyes widened as he heard a strangled groan come from Sean. He quickly felt as protective as a mother bear, and her cubs were being bullied. 

He quickly flung his fist towards Chad's jaw as hard as he could. Chad stumbled back. "I told you, don't fucking mess with Sean!" he yelled angrily, kneeling down next to Sean and petting the others hair. Sean was trying to cover his face behind his arms. Felix only saw a glimpse of Sean's face and felt his stomach churn painfully. There were silent tears streaming down Sean's. Now, he only heard the quiet sobs from the Irishman. 

Felix felt a sudden blow from his right. A fist rammed straight into his temple. His vision blacked out for a second, and Felix was lost. He didn't know what was happening. "Don't fucking try that again, you Swedish puss!" Chad spat, giving Felix a kick in the stomach again. Felix's arms immediately wrapped around his own stomach. 

"Fuck.." he groaned quietly and watched Chad walk off angrily. "Stay the fuck away from Sean," he said quietly, almost like a silent warning. He had meant every word.


	2. Why Did You Help Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here to Protect

Felix looked over at Sean who was just a few feet away. He painfully sat up and slowly crawled over to Sean. Sean was holding his stomach, letting his face show. He was on his side, back turned to Felix. His face was blank, despite the tears rolling down his cheeks. "Sean.."

Sean looked at Felix, his eyes widening slightly when he saw Felix. He turned onto his back just a bit to see Felix better. His cheeks showed a slight red in colour. He turned onto his side completely, not wanting Felix to see him like this. Felix sighed when Sean turned away. Sean probably didn't even like him. He was pretty hard to be around after all..

Felix sighed, rubbing his stomach gently. "I'm sorry," his eyes looked at the ground pitifully. "Please, let me help you." Sean took in the heartfelt request. He looked back at Felix shyly before nodding slightly.

"Okay."

Felix stood up and held his hand out to Sean. Sean took it and barely lifted himself up. He thought he was going to throw up so he let himself fall back on the ground. His arms coiled around his gut, moaning in discomfort. "Fuck, I think I'm going to barf.." Felix sighed, feeling awful for the other. He thought for a moment. During those few thinking seconds, Sean attempted to get up again, only getting onto his knees. 

Felix gasped quietly, "Hold on, Sean. Don't strain yourself." He leaned down and wrapped Jack's arms around his neck and wrapped his own around the others waist. He pulled Sean up, landing them both in a hug. Sean's eyes had closed due to Felix being so warm and nice. Felix chuckled down at Sean. "Come on. Let's get you home."

He pulled on both of their backpacks and started on his way. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Felix helped Sean home. They didn't know each other as best friend's, but they definitely had some sort of connection where they understood the other. They would consider each other as friends. They both were the underdogs, Sean more than Felix. The walk was short, other than the occasional stop to make sure Sean wasn't going to vomit. It was quiet as well. There wasn't much dialogue besides the painful groans from Sean's aching muscles. 

Once they were on Sean's porch, Felix took in the surroundings. It was a small house, nothing special. Really. It was quite low-budgeted and looked like it hadn't been worked on in decades. Sean took out a key from one of his pockets and unlocked the front door. Felix helped the other in and closed the door. "You think you can make it to the bathroom on your own?" Sean shakily nodded. 

The inside was quite messy. Baskets with clothes stuffed in them and cups left around the house, a few beer cans. Felix squinted as he looked around the interior. Jesus, this place needed work. Felix unwrapped Sean's arm from around his neck and watched the other wobble his way to the bathroom. Felix sighed and made his way to the hallway. Three bedrooms, but one was empty.

He shrugged and hesitantly peeked into one that he could depict as Sean's. The walls were messily painted a blue and red, purple where the colours mixed. There were drawings and stories pinned onto the wall, along with metal band posters. Felix set down their bags by the lonely bed. He looked at one of the story titles. It was named The Lost Boy. The papers hung up next to that story was titled Cruel Measurements. Felix didn't read them, in case Sean didn't want him to. He only caught glimpses of the words. Two things all stories had in common: they all had depressing titles and they all consisted of a character Jack. 

Felix remembered Sean and quickly made his way to the bathroom. He knocked on the door softly before walking in. He saw Sean putting a wet cloth against his lip, which had been busted open during the fight. Sean looked up and his eyes widened. "Fuck, Felix!" he said, quickly putting down that cloth and grabbing another. He wet it under cold water and gently pressed it against Felix's temple. Felix winced at the cold wetness and discomforting pain. 

"Ah, no," he lifted his hand to the cloth and pulled his head away. Sean looked legitimately worried. Felix hesitantly pressed the cloth against his skull again.

"You're getting a damn black eye from that asshole," the shorter male said worriedly. Felix was confused on why Sean was so worried. Sean pulled up his thin jacket sleeve before quickly pulling it down again. Felix raised a brow at Sean, but didn't question the other. It was very quiet between them. Awkward. Well, both males were pretty shy, especially when around who they liked.

After a while Sean spoke up, "Why did you help me?" He rubbed his stomach gently after tossing the cloth into a hamper. Felix shrugged as he leaned against the door.

"You're my friend," he said simply before looking at Sean, "right?" Sean looked back and nodded.

"Yeah."

Felix shrugged. "I don't like seeing people in pain, especially my friends. I care about you." Sean was honestly astonished when he heard that. Felix cared for him? Felix cared for Sean? It was unbelievable! 

"Felix.." He stuttered slightly. Sean was speechless. He looked up at Felix shyly, "You really care about me?" Felix chuckled, kneeling in front of Sean. He shrugged, looking up at the other.

"Of course I do. Why wouldn't I? You're super sweet and just friendly and, honestly, really adorable." Felix's smile dropped when he said that. Fuck. He didn't say that right? He looked up at Sean who was now a blushing mess. While Felix enjoyed the adorable blush, he was too worried if he had made things weird. He didn't even know if Sean liked guys! 

Sean swallowed, looking up to Felix. "I'm .. adorable?" he asked, raising a brow. Felix sighed slightly. No turning back now. He nodded slightly.

"Yeah, you really are." He couldn't just leave it at that. So, he went for the gold. "And you're really funny too. You can always make me smile when I've had a bad day. You're just like this ball of cute joy," he said smoothly, anxiety and fear melting away. 

By now, Sean was looking down and covering his burning cheeks. He couldn't find the words. What do you say to that anyways? Felix chuckled slightly. "You okay there, Sean?" He hummed happily, stood up and put out his hand, "Come on, let's go to your room and maybe do homework together."

Sean looked up and very hesitantly took Felix's hand timidly. "Okay," he said quietly, following Felix to his room.


	3. Take Care of Yourself

Sean and Felix sat against Sean's bed. Sean seemed really fidgety around Felix. Felix looked at Sean as he pulled their backpacks towards them to pull out the books and notebooks. "You okay, Sean? You seem to be really .. edgy." Sean looked at Felix and shook his head.

"Huh-? No, no! I'm fine!" he said, nodding along with his words in hopes that Felix won't see through his plastic words. Felix sighed, but didn't push it. He didn't want to make him uncomfortable. 

"Alright. You need help with your algebra right?" Sean nodded, watching Felix take out a math text book and both of their notebooks. Felix handed Sean his green notebook. It had various drawings on it, a bug eyeball, a handgun and a few foods that Sean seemed to love. Felix honestly found it adorable how artistic Sean was. "Alright, I can help you in math and you can help me with my writing essay?"

Sean blinked up at Felix and nodded, "Okay, that sounds fair." He knew Felix was basically a newly transferred student from Sweden, so writing wasn't Felix's strong suit. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Felix smiled at Sean as he put his books away. "Thanks for the pointers and helping me with spelling and grammar." Sean nodded. 

"Of course, buddy! I like helping people!" he said happily. This private time with Felix had made Sean happy. He was glad to be able to spend this time with Felix, of all people. "And thanks for helping me with my math homework."

Felix zipped up his bag and nodded, "You're welcome! It's always a pleasure helping others." They both sat against Sean's bed, quiet now. But this silence wasn't awkward, it was warm. It wasn't the silence where they didn't know what to say. It was when they didn't have anything to say and just enjoyed the others presence. Felix breathed in and decided to speak. "So, where are your parents?"

Sean looked straight ahead at the wall from the question. They had been at his house for quite a while and there was no sign of Sean's older siblings or his parents. "Um, they're both at work." Felix nodded.

"Okay. So, you're just here by yourself?" Sean shrugged and nodded. 

"I actually like being alone most of the time, there's something comforting about the silence that fills the house," he said quietly. Felix nodded. He understood what Sean had meant. It was nice to be alone and excluded from the rest of the world. 

Felix sighed, pulling his bag into his lap. "I guess I better head home then. My mom is probably just getting back from work." Felix's eyes widened in realization. "Ah, shit! I was supposed to cook dinner for us tonight. I told my mom I would." He rubbed his face tiredly. Sean nodded.

"You sure you should be walking home at this time?" he asked, slightly worried. "I mean, I know it's just sunset, but-"

Felix cut him off with a chuckle. "I'll be fine, okay? I'm pretty sure I can jog it home and make it before the sun is down." Sean sighed through his nose and nodded. They both stood up and started walking out to the front door. They stopped. Felix looked at Sean while the other was staring at the floor. He sighed and pulled Sean in for a quick hug. "Please, eat something and take care of yourself, okay?"

Sean nodded against Felix's shoulder. "Okay," he said quietly. They both pulled away and looked at each other. "You better take care of that black eye then," Sean said as Felix opened the door. 

Felix looked back at Sean and smirked slightly. He nodded, "I will. See you tomorrow, Sean." Sean nodded. Felix walked down the porch steps.

"See you tomorrow, Fe."


	4. Can I Come Over?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is, like, around a week after Felix rescued Sean

Felix smiled as he was dropped off from the bus. He was feeling abnormally happy. He just woke up that day, got ready and ate breakfast. He was usually very sluggish and tired when he woke up. He walked through the school gates and looked around the campus for Sean. He caught sight of a boy sitting next to the outside trashcan. The brunette had been looking down, so Felix wasn't able to see the others face. But Felix knew it was Sean. He made his way over and squatted next to Sean, "Hey!"

Sean looked up and pulled out an earphone. "Oh, hey, Felix," he said quietly, surprised the other would come over to see him. Felix hoped he wasn't disturbing Sean. Both could hear heavy metal blasting from the earphone he had out. Sean sighed and pulled out the other, feeling unpleasant as one ear was being blasted.

'One day she will tell you that she's had enough!'

'It's coming 'round again!'

'One day she will tell you that she's had enough!'

'It's coming 'round again!'

Felix knew that song, just a less scream-o version of it. Sean let the music play, seeing as it was loud enough for both to hear over the school campus. They both sat there, listening to the music before it moved onto a song Felix had not known. "Hey, can I come over today? Or maybe we can just hang out at a park or something after school?" Sean's pale skin vaguely showed a faint pink as he looked up to Felix, confused.

"What?" Sean asked, the idea of this being a date on his mind.

Felix nodded, smiling kindly. "Yeah, if you want! I-I'm not trying to push it!" Sean thought for a moment, making sure he didn't have anything planned for that day.

'One final fight for this tonight.'  
'Whoa-oh-oh'  
'With knives and pens we made our plight.'  
'Whoa-oh-oh'

Sean nodded. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure I can hangout today," he said with a soft smirk. He loved the thought of being with Felix, and Felix thought the same with Sean. The school bell unfortunately rang and the two stood up.

"I'll see you at lunch, okay?" Felix said. Sean nodded and turned off his music, stuffing his headphones into his pullover pockets. They split ways and headed to class.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was finally lunch time and Felix quickly got out of class. Right when he was outside of the cafeteria, about to walk in, he was slammed and pinned against the wall. People just walked by, not wanting to get involved. Felix looked up and saw Chad. The taller man smirked. "What's up, faggot? Where's your little boyfriend, Sean? Huh?" Felix squinted angrily and confused.

First off, no one knows that Felix's sexuality, and he isn't dating Sean. "I'm not fucking gay!" he defended weakly against the other.

"The way you 'defended' Sean made you seem like it," Chad spat back. He was gripping onto Felix's shirt. Before Felix could retort, Chad started again. "Listen up. Before you even think about stepping in and saving your boyfriend, just know that I will come after you after the first one."

Chad pulled Felix away from the wall before slamming him into it again. Felix buckled over slightly, trying to collect himself as his breath was knocked out. Chad made his way into the cafeteria without even glancing at Felix. Felix stood up straight and sighed. He shook his head and walked out to the hallways. He sighed, making his way to the tennis/track court.

He didn't even think of finding Sean now. He was thinking about how he could not stop protecting Sean. He knew that Sean needed help. He was tired of seeing him get beaten up for liking the same sex and being smaller than others. It was bullshit. He won't stop talking to Sean. He won't stop saving him. He will try his best to make Sean happy.

Felix looked up and saw Sean sitting against a tennis pole that held the net. He was curled up, holding his phone. Felix raised a brow and walked over to him. "Hey, Sean," he greeted softly. He looked up at me quickly, sighing in realization that it was me. Felix sat on his knees next to him and kindly smiled. He deserves a friendly greeting, just quietness.

"Hey, Felix." Felix swallowed slightly. "What's up?" God, he loved the way Sean says his name. The softness of his voice will haunt Felix all night. The way the sun hits his hair and shines against the silver streaks perfectly. His back is turned from the sun, so he looks like an angel with how the light surrounds him.

'Wow, he's gorgeous.. Wait, what? I don't like Sean, right?' Felix blinked when Sean waved his hand in front of Felix's face.

"Hello? Earth the Felix?" He said, snapping his fingers even.

He blinked and looked away, embarrassed for staring at Sean all that time. "I'm sorry, I just spaced out.." He turned off his phone and snickered.

"It's okay. We all do that." Sean looked down and rubbed his cheek, muttering softly, "You are cute when you're eyes get all lovey-dovey and adoring like that though." He sneakily looked up to Felix with a shy smile. Felix snickered embarrassingly, rubbing his cheeks trying to not look shy. He swallowed again, not knowing what to say.

"Am I really?" He asked, raising a brow. He was genuinely curious, but he kept up to sounding like his usual joking self. Sean nodded, his eyes shimmering with a gleam of mischief. He smirked at Felix.

"Yeah, you really are." He had remembered what Felix said about Sean. He just decided to flirt a little and make Felix all shy. "And you're really funny too. You can always make me smile when I've had a bad day. You're just like this ball of cute joy. And I mean it, Felix" Sean leaned back against the pole with a confident smirk.

Felix didn't looked at Sean. It was that last statement that hit him. If Sean had really meant what he said, Felix would be having a happiness-attack. "O-Oh, um, I-" Felix honestly didn't know how to respond. Ah, he was getting all shy over this. "Thank you," he said softly, smiling up to Sean. Felix may have always been one to flirt with his friends, but this was Sean. He was pretty sure he had a huge crush on this small, adorable Irishman.


	5. What?

        Felix couldn't wait to see Sean after school. He was really happy to spend time with him. Felix never really had friends growing because of how shy he is. He hated talking to people. He was antisocial and had no trust. He was bullied as a young child, making him develop anxiety. He hated the term, hated having to tell people. The anxiety and panic attacks. Feeling like crying because he has to do a presentation in front of the class. He hated it. But Sean made him feel better about himself. He made Felix feel as if he wasn't being judged. Felix just felt safe around Sean. Now, school was over and Felix went to look for Sean. Hopefully, he wasn't getting beaten up again. 

        "Felix!" Said man turned around and saw Sean running towards him, crashing into his chest. "Run! Hurry!" Felix could feel Sean's fast heart rate for the seconds they were pushed together. Sean quickly turned Felix around by his shoulders and pushed him forward. "Hurry!" he yelled again, pleading. Felix started running, Sean by his side. Neither were good runners, but Felix could tell Chad and the others were coming. They both booked it to Sean's house. 

        They jumped onto the porch, panting. They had lost the bullies far enough behind, but they hadn't stopped running. They slowed down a bit and Sean unlocked the front door, letting them both in. "Fucking bullies. Fucking Chad and his fucking sidekick, fucking Jesse!" Sean was boiling with anger, and Felix could obviously see it.

        "Sean, just calm down. I know they're a bunch of assholes, but you got to let it go." Sean glared at Felix and the Swede took a step back. 

        "That's easy for you to say! You don't get bullied like I do! You're bigger than me, of course you don't!" Sean yelled. You can hear his Irish accent coming full force and thick now. "You don't get pushed into the dirt everyday just because of your sexuality! You don't fucking know how hard it is. Just because I'm fucking gay, they beat me up! They call me names," Sean grew emotional, anger faded into stinging tears. Sean looked down and choked out a slight sob before covering his mouth. "It's not fair.."

        Felix's eyes widened as he ran over to Sean and pulled the other against his chest. Sean let a few cries out, trying to not fall apart in front Felix. He cried against Felix's shoulder, trembling in the others arms. Felix sighed, "Sean, we need to talk."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

        After Felix had Sean calmed down, they sat in Sean's room on the floor. Sean was quiet. He didn't want to take the initiative to start on a conversation. Felix sighed, "Alright. I've been holding back too long, and I know you're one of the few people who will understand." Sean was confused, tilting his head as he listened to Felix speak softly. "I guess there's not use in hesitating," Felix said, snickering to lighten his own mood. His smile fell as he became serious again. He looked up at Sean from his lap and said, "I'm bisexual."

        Sean stared ahead at Felix with a subtly shocked expression. "What?" he asked bluntly. Felix tilted his head slightly. 

        "I am bisexual."

        Sean rubbed his cheek as his mind raced. 'Does this mean I could have a chance with Felix? Wait, do I even like Felix that way? I don't know, why the fuck am I getting so nervous now?' Sean let out a soft, almost inaudible groan, confused on what to say. "That's.. great." He mentally slapped himself for being so blunt about it. 

        Felix snickered at Sean's response. "Are you okay?" he asked, raising a brow. He was feeling more comfortable around Sean now. Sean nodded.

        "Yeah, I'm totally fine. I just don't know what to say. I-I mean, that's wonderful! It's just a bit surprising," he said, furrowing his eyebrows at his floorboards. Felix nodded with a slight laugh.

        "I know. I'm just scared to come out, especially with you know," Felix said, referring to Chad and Jesse. Sean nodded. He glared at  his floor, wishing he had never came out as being gay. It wasn't fair or nice whatsoever how he was being treated. 

        Sean nodded, "Yeah, I understand." Sean seemed sad or somewhere around there. Felix sighed and sat closer to Sean, wrapping his arms around the others shoulders and pulling Sean against him. 

        "It's alright. We just got to hang in. Don't worry, Sean," he said quietly as Sean leaned his head on Felix's shoulder. "I'll protect you."


	6. Are You Guys Okay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hate using my name as the bully..

        It was Friday, the last day of school, and an interesting thing had happened. A new student came in! His name was Mark Fischbach, and, boy, he was immediately liked. He wasn't at all shy and made a few friends on the first day! Sean's pessimistic mind thought that Mark would fit in with the popular kids. The bullies. Mark was very handsome and you could literally see his muscles through his shirt! Sean would admit, he was very attractive, but popular people aren't his type.

        Lunch time came by, and Sean was sitting with Felix. It was usual ever since Felix stepped in between Sean and the bullies. They spent the next few days getting to know each other better. Sean told Felix about his stories and how he loves art and writing. He found out Sean was part of a band called Raised to the Ground. He had three older siblings that were out of school, explaining the empty bedrooms and Sean being alone after school. 

        Felix was pretty normal. His sister was out of school. His mom worked while Felix was at school and his dad worked till six. Felix wasn't sure, but Sean seemed sad. As if he had depression or something. He never seemed happy and he wrote poetry and sad stories. He wore black, listened to metal rock music. Stereotypes. Of course, it's not right to assume things. Felix was worried though.

        Sean poked at his food, not even eating it. He sighed and pushed the tray away. Felix noticed that Sean never ate at school. He has never seen the other eat. "Sean, what's wrong? You never eat. Please, tell me," Felix said softly, putting his spork down and turning to Sean.

        Sean sighed and shook his head. "It's nothing. I'm fine." Felix raised a brow. He still hadn't known Sean long enough, so he didn't know if he should push or not. Felix sighed and went for it.

        "Sean, I'm serious. Please, tell me if anything is wrong." Felix, in all honesty, just wanted Sean to be okay. He was worried about Sean. Sean seemed so sad most of the time, he was bullied, he wore black, he listened to depressing music, he wrote sad stories and poems- These may have been stereotypes, but there were too many for Felix to question from. 

        Sean seemed to grow annoyed. He groaned, rolling his eyes. "Fuck, Felix, I'm fine! Just leave it, will ya?" Sean glared straight into Felix's eyes before closing them and picking up his bag, leaving the table and throwing away his tray. He walked away from Felix. Felix sighed. Nothing was okay. Felix just decided to leave it alone. It was obvious Sean didn't want to tell Felix.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Finally, school was over. Felix should probably apologize to Sean for getting too nosy, he just cared for Sean. Or was that too much? Sean would probably think Felix was crushing on him. Well, Felix was bisexual, it wouldn't be too unlikely.

        Felix was scared when he couldn't find Sean. Sean would usually wait outside of the library for Felix. Felix ran over to the tennis court, where he heard Chad's deep voice. "You're a freak, Sean! You're not normal! You're different from everybody else! It's no wonder you don't have any friends! That Swedish kid will leave you, just like everyone else!"

        Felix heard a strangled groan, trying to let words escape. He quickly ran around the corner to see Chad pushing Sean against the wall, his hand closing on Sean's throat. Sean saw Felix and his eyes widened, trying to tell the other to run away. Chad turned and looked at Felix, his grip loosening on Sean's throat. Sean's feet touched the ground again, trying to regain his balance. "Felix, go!" 

        Felix shook his head. He wouldn't sit back and let Sean get hurt! Chad walked up to Felix, trying to keep Sean in his vision as much as he could. "What did I tell you about protecting Sean? I'm going to give you one chance to leave, or else I'll-"

        Chad was cut off by an unfamiliar deep voice. "Or else you'll what?" All three looked over to who had shown up to the party. Sean glared at raven that was here. It was Mark. 

        "Mark, what are you doing here?" Chad asked, casualness streaming through his voice.

        Mark sighed. "My mom couldn't-" He quickly stopped himself and shook his head. "That doesn't matter! What are you doing?" Mark had heard and seen just enough to see that Chad was going to hurt Felix and Sean. And Mark hated the idea of that.

        "It's none of your business. Why don't you just run along home?" Mark glared at Chad. He squinted.

                "What the fuck? You're out here, fucking pushing around two kids! For no reason?" He said, walking closer to Chad. He was determined not to let any fear show, but he knew Chad was taller and stronger. Mark tried to not think about it. He couldn't back down to a bully. 

        "Mark, Sean is a fucking freak of nature! It's not normal!" Chads protest seemed to really piss off Mark. Felix quickly made his way to Sean. They two stayed there in case Mark needed their help. 

        "Excuse the fuck out of me? Since when it is okay to call gays freaks of nature?" Mark slowly started to to Chad. The taller man backed away from Mark, uncomfortable with the small space between them. "It may not seem like the most common thing, but it doesn't mean you can fucking push them around and make fun of them!" Sean's expression softened with widened eyes. 

        Mark had Chad pinned to the wall. This was the first time Chad seemed scared of someone. He didn't look too scared, but he was backing away from Mark. "It's just.. not normal!" Chad's words seemed to make Mark even angrier.

        "Just because it's not normal doesn't give you the fucking right to push them around! They are human beings, just like everyone else, just like you! They deserve respect!" Mark glared angrily up at Chad. If looks could kill, Mark's glare would have made Chad explode by now. "Now, leave them the fuck alone."

        Chad glared back before looking over at Sean and Felix. "You're lucky he came in to save you," he growled before walking away to walk back to his house. Mark watched him walk off, making sure he was far away enough. He looked back over to Sean and Felix. 

        "I'm so sorry about that. Are you guys okay?"


	7. Someone Who Understands

Sean and Felix looked at Mark for a few long seconds. Mark raised a brow, keeping up a friendly smile. Sean was the first to speak. "Yeah, we're fine, but what the hell was that?" He thought Mark would take Chad's side. 

Mark blinked, frowning slightly. "What do you mean? He was being an asshole to you two, I couldn't let that happen." Sean and Felix looked at each other before looking back at Mark. Mark tilted his head, "What's wrong? Cat got your tongue?" He smiled at the two. He seemed really friendly.

"I'm sorry. I'm Sean and this is Felix." Sean introduced the two to Mark, motioning to themselves. Mark nodded and stuck out his hand towards Sean. They shook hands.

"It's nice to meet you two." Sean nodded in agreement. Mark noticed how scared or shy Felix looked, so he left the blonde alone. 

"Nice to meet you, too Mark," Sean said. Mark breathed in sharply and silently at the sudden vibrate in his pocket. He took his phone from the front pocket, checking the message he received. He seemed a bit embarrassed that he was scared from the sudden vibration, looking up at the two with a shy smile. 

"My mom asked where I am, I better head home. It's been nice meeting you two, again. Don't let Chad beat you up for who you two are, okay?" He waved, picking up his backpack and ran off to leave the school. Sean and Felix watched him run off. They looked a each other. Sean looked confused, and Felix seemed relieved to have just Sean there. He was actually smiling slightly

Seeing Felix relieved and possibly happy made Sean smile back. He chuckled slightly and motioned Felix to follow him. "What are you so happy about?" Felix frowned at the question, he rubbed his arm. Sean picked up their heavy bags, handing Felix's his navy blue one. 

The Swede shrugged, slinging his bag over his shoulder. "I'm just.. relieved that he's gone." He saw the confused look on Sean's face and suddenly felt the pressure squeeze his chest. "I-I like him! He's nice and all, but I'm not good at social interaction." The two males started walking to Sean's house, again. 

Sean shrugged, "You seem pretty chill right now." Felix sighed and rolled his eyes.

"That's because of reasons, okay?" Sean looked up at Felix with a slightly worried glance.

"Do you mind telling me, or are they too personal?" Sean asked. He was pretty sure Felix had a good home and good grades, and no mental disorder. That's what it looked like. You should never assume thing though.

"You make me feel safe," Felix admitted. He looked down, covering his cheeks. Sean's eyes widened slightly. He was quite flattered to hear those words escape from Felix's mouth. He smiled at how Felix looked embarrassed and shy over it. It was adorable. 

"Aww, Fe, I'm glad you feel comfortable around me." For that moment, Sean felt good. He wasn't writing his depressing poetry or stories. He wasn't drowning out the silence of the house with his metal music. He wasn't banging his drums to let out his anger and pain. He was actually happy. He wished it could last forever. "You make me feel safe as well, Felix. It's nice to have someone who understands you."

Felix smiled and silently giggled at the nickname. It was cute. He liked it. "I'm glad," he hummed quietly, walking back to Sean's house and comfortable silence.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next week, Mark came up to the boys. He wanted to get to know them better, only if they wanted though. Sean and Felix were slowly starting to trust Mark. They were like a team, talking to each other before making the decision, and they always agreed on what to do. They three were sitting at a table during lunch together. Sean didn't have a plate, and Mark had a small cup of applesauce. The school lunch was disgusting, Mark hated it. He was picky when it came to school lunches. Felix and Sean didn't blame him. 

Mark snickered as he finished his applesauce cup. He threw it away and came back to the table. Felix raised a brow, not wanting to but question him. "What are you laughing at?"

Mark sat down and smiled at Felix. "You two are like a married couple." The two younger males blinked at him, Felix blushing slightly. 

"Why do you say that?" the Swede asked, almost scared to. 

"You two are always making decisions together, and just together in general." Felix and Sean stared at each other. Felix swallowed before they both looked back at Mark.

"W-We haven't known each other that long though! We're not like a married couple!" Sean defended, maybe a bit too quick and harshly. Felix felt his stomach knot up slightly at what Sean said. He was so quick with it, like he really didn't like Felix in that way. Of course he wouldn't though. Who could?

Mark shrugged, "Alright. I'm just saying.." Felix nodded. He didn't really mind him and Sean being called a married couple. To be honest, he felt as if they would work out perfectly. Sean was a nice guy, he would surely be able to help Felix with his anxiety. He already made it easy to cope with, and they weren't even dating. 

"I don't know," Felix stood up and threw away his trash. "I think we'd be a great married couple," he said quietly, avoiding all eye contact with everyone. Sean blinked, his pale cheeks turning a vague color of pink. He looked at the table before quickly looking back up at the casual seeming Swede. 

"Really now?" He asked, raising an eyebrow as a small smirk rose. 

"Y-Yeah, so what? We're already going to each others houses, mostly yours because no one else is there." Mark smiled real wide as he heard what Felix had said.

"Oh-" Mark giggled very quietly. "Alone in a house together."

Felix ignored Mark, rubbing his faded red cheeks, though Sean didn't. "I'm just saying, I think we would work together." Felix shrugged, wondering if he should regret what he had said.

Sean thought for a few seconds, shrugging. "I guess we would," he smiled at Felix, winking slightly. "We'll see," he said quietly. Sean stood up, Felix and Mark blinked and watched him. Sean motioned them to follow. Felix looked at Mark. Mark shrugged and stood up, following Sean out. Felix sighed and quickly jogged after the two before he was left behind. 

"I don't understand him sometimes," Felix quietly whispered to himself.


	8. Are You Jealous?

Sean and Felix's eyes widened as they watched their friend walk through the gates of the school. The half-Korean male raised a brow at the other. "Oh my Gosh, Mark!" Sean giggled and the younger males ran up to Mark. Mark now had his hair dyed pink. It wasn't completely pink though, the sides and the back of his head were still his natural black. The colour was a pastel pink, very soft and faded. Sean touched the soft hair, giggling along with the other two.

They didn't pay attention to the looks others were giving them, but Felix did. His anxiety still affected him, and he hated any attention he got. Felix kept up a small smile though. "It looks good, Mark."

Mark felt happy, smiling wide as his friends fawned over his hair. "Really? Aww! I'm so happy! I wasn't sure about it, but it looked fun! I've always loved the colour and I always thought of dying my hair!" His eyes were widened slightly with excitement. The three started walking to the closest first period, Sean's classroom. Mark was also wearing bracelets, very colourful.. Felix noticed how the order of the colours were in the order of the rainbow. Classic Mark.

"I've always thought of dying my hair, but I don't think my family, or I, can't afford it. It looks good though!" Mark pursed his lips, almost a way to say 'Aww, sorry'. 

"Alright, class is about to begin. I better head all the way to the other side of the school!" Mark said, running his fingers through his own hair. "I'll catch you guys later!" He said, happy as always. He shot them finger guns, which they replied with the same, and started to head over to his first period classroom. 

Sean looked at Felix when Mark was out of sight behind the wall. He sighed and looked down at the ground. It seemed like creating awkward silences was their superpower. The two stood there, not knowing what to say. Sean suddenly perked up, looking up at Felix. Felix looked at Sean, raising his eyebrows in interest towards Sean. "Um, I-I was wondering about something.." Sean suddenly felt self-conscience talking to Felix.

Felix smiled at Sean very slightly and nodded. "What is it?"

"Will you, ah, read one of my stories today? Maybe you can stop by my house after school and give it a try? I really like it, and I just need some backup." Felix's eyes widened.

Sean had even told Felix that he never let anyone read his artworks unless they were special. Sean didn't let his sisters read, nor his brother. But Felix. Just a young Swede that just happened to be around when Sean was getting beaten up. Just a random guy who was just there. Anyone else could have stepped up and saved Sean, but it was Felix. The blonde boy who was falling in love with his best friend. "Y-Yeah! Of course, I will!" He answered, smiling much wider now.

"Great. I'll see you after school."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Felix walked out of the cafeteria and started jogging towards the track and tennis court. Just as he thought, Sean and Mark were sitting on the ground chatting quietly. Felix walked over to them, making the others look up at him. "Oh, hey Felix!" Sean greeted happily. Felix rolled his eyes with the small grin he had.

"You two look like you're dating." He snickered, even though he felt kind of jealous on the inside. Felix always had been a jealous person. "Seriously, are you two dating. It sure looks like it!" Felix's tone wasn't as happy as he wanted it to be. Sean and Mark raised a brow at the others behaviour. Mark checked the time on his phone and stood up, making the Irishman stand up as well.

"Felix, we're not dating, okay?" Sean checked with a raised brow. 

Mark nodded. "Hon, why do you sound so worried?" Mark said, smiling innocently. "I mean, he's adorable and has a nice personality, but he's not really my type," Mark said, shrugging. "No offence," he whispered to Sean. 

Felix put his hands up in defense mode. "Hey, okay. I'm just saying," he said, mocking Mark from a few days earlier. The other two furrowed their brows in confusion. Felix was getting very snappy and sassy. It wasn't usually like him- well, more sass than usual. It was already hard to get him to talk, period. "Next thing I know you guys will be going out on dates!" 

Felix felt like he couldn't stop. He didn't care what he was saying. He didn't care if he was accusing them of something they didn't do. He didn't care. He was jealous, and he was letting his emotions show. He wanted Sean for himself, no matter what Mark said. He wanted Sean. 

Sean raised a brow and smirked. "Are you jealous?" Felix blinked. His vague anger faded into a blank confusion. 

"What?"

"Don't play innocent with me, Mr. Kjellbergh! You're jelly that me and Mark have been hanging out!" Sean bounced slightly with a giggle. "You're jealous because you want me or Mark's attention!" Sean looked back at Mark, who was slightly smiling.

Felix's could feel his heart beat started up. Did this mean Sean knew how he felt? No, of course not. Sean wasn't even sure who Felix was jealous of. How could he know? "I'm not jealous! Shut up!" He defended weakly, cheeks quickly catching a blush.

"Aww! You're totally jealous!" Sean thought who Felix was jealous of. He had known Sean for longer, and him and Sean weren't able to hang out much because of work.. "You're jealous of Mark!" He quickly accused.

Felix was now breathing harshly, looking at Sean and Mark back and forth. He was scared now. What if this is how Sean found out Felix liked him? No, Felix couldn't take that. "I'm not! Just stop! I'm not jealous!"

Sean was having fun while watching Felix's pale skin turn to a bright red. "You totally are, oh my Gosh! That's adorable! You like me, Felix! Don't even try to deny it, you liiiiike me!" The brunette giggled, covering his mouth slightly. Oh, this was golden! Felix looked so embarrassed and just adorable! Sean loved messing with Felix.

Felix could barely breathe now. He didn't want to deal with this. He was too scared. Terrified. He couldn't handle the pressure on his chest. "Sean, stop! I- I can't do this right now!" He started to walk off, turning away and keeping his balanced maintained. Sean noticed that Felix felt bad, and quickly started after him.

"Felix, wait!"

Felix turned and glared at Sean. "Stop! I just need time to breathe, okay?" He stood there for a few seconds. Sean stayed silent, not knowing what to say. He just wanted to apologize, but he knew Felix had more to say. The Swede gathered all what was left of his courage and said it. Glaring at the ground, he calmly said, "I think it's better if Mark's goes over to your house today."

And he turned away. He ran away. He didn't know what came over him, he just felt so embarrassed and scared. What of Sean didn't want to be his friend afterwards? What would Sean and Mark think if they know Felix liked Sean? Felix wasn't sure what they would say, but he didn't want to know and wanted to know at the same time. He sighed quietly, not looking back to see a saddened Sean. He wouldn't be able to handle it. He just wanted the day over now. 

Felix didn't talk to Sean or Mark for the rest of the day. They would resolve it tomorrow, maybe.


	9. I Guess I Should Be Leaving

Felix felt bad for leaving Sean like that. He wanted to go back, hug Sean and apologize a million times, but he couldn't. He was too scared, too prideful. He was in such a emotional situation, his mental stability wasn't strong enough for this. He couldn't handle it. He was weak. The word he called himself every day.

He skipped school. Sean was in his next class, so he decided to go to the office and call his mother. He let her know that he was having an anxiety attack and wanted to leave. She gave him permission, and he left the school. Once he was in his house, he walked to his room, threw his bag on his floor and fell onto his bed. He didn't bother checking for homework. He didn't care, he had good grades anyways. 

Felix rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. His mother would be coming home in a few hours. He should probably try to cook something for her, seeing as she came home around dinner time. He just didn't feel like it. He wasn't motivated. He was overly worried how Sean would react. Sean seemed to get very offended when Mark called them a married couple.. Felix was extremely confused. 

He didn't know how Sean felt (though he believes that Sean doesn't like him the same way). He didn't know how he feels. It's obvious that Sean didn't feel the same.

Felix breathed in deeply before knocking on the door. Sean’s parents wouldn’t be home for a couple more hours, so Felix took this free opportunity. He waited for a few long seconds before the door opened. The person who opened the door was Sean, as expected. But.. he looked almost as broken as when Felix first saw him.

Sean looked very tired and Felix could tell Sean was hungry, with the way he was hunching over and hugging his stomach. “Sean,” Felix said softly, before breathing in and out again, “I-I need to tell you something.” Sean’s eyebrows furrowed. The brunette stepped to the side, letting Felix in, before closing the door.

“What’s up?” Sean asked, blinking at the floorboards as he leaned against the door. The Swede sighed.

“Can we go to your room?” Felix felt more comfortable in Sean’s room. He has been in there more than any other room in the house. Him and Sean had spent so much time together in there. Felix looked around the house as they walked to Sean’s room. The place looked cleaner than from before. Sean probably found at least some motivation, or his parents did it. Felix doubted it was the latter.

Sean sat on his bed, grabbing and hugging onto the Irish flag pillow he had. Felix sat next to him and smiled slightly. It was Sean’s grandmothers. He said it makes him feel safe and at home when he hugs it. “Um, listen, I am..” Felix tried to say it, but his throat closed every time he tried. He couldn’t apologize. He always trouble apologizing sometimes, especially if it was with someone he’s close with.

Sean raised an eyebrow, confused, “I’m sorry?”

Felix sighed and closed his eyes tightly. “I am.. Sorry,” he breathed in and out, like he was panting. “I have.. social anxiety, and I can’t breathe when I have pressure put on me. I just didn’t know how you would react, and I was scared and..” Felix couldn’t finish. His heart was beating too fast. He couldn’t handle this. He was absolutely terrified.

"I-It's okay. I went a bit too far there, I should've stopped." Felix nodded, biting the inside of his cheek. He had more to say. "You need anything else, Fe?" Felix closed his eyes, silently sighing at the name. His heart just melted when he heard it. He nodded slightly. 

"I don't know how to say this, so I'm going to be straight (liar-) with you." Felix breathed in, anxiety taking over. He said it calmly, but he was shaking on the inside. "I like you." Sean blinked in shock. Felix liked him? How did Sean feel? He kind of felt something there, but he never really thought of it. 

"You mean- You really like me?" Sean said in disbelief.

Felix shakily nodded. "Yeah, I do," Felix internally cursed his trembling voice. "Like I said, you are so kind and sweet, and you seem so broken. You seem so sad, and if that's the case, I want to help you. I want you to be happy. I want you to enjoy at least a little bit of life, because you don't deserve how you're being treated at school." Felix felt tear sting his eyes. He was growing emotional over the thought of how depressed Sean may be. 

Sean stared, mouth ajar. He couldn't believe was Felix just said. He looked down at the floor, closing his mouth. "F-Felix, I'm.. I'm so sorry," he looked up and saw Felix's face. The blonde knew what was coming. He knew Sean didn't feel the same. 

Complete silence rang through their ears, and then Felix could only hear the shatter of his heart. They both stood there, frozen. Both were scared. Felix didn't know if Sean wouldn't want to be his friend anymore, and Sean was scared of what to say. Sean didn't speak, he was too scared if he would say anything wrong.

"That's fine!" Felix suddenly said, startling Sean slightly. Sean took a small step back, Felix put his hands up. "I get it, Sean," Felix's voice softened, and he had a small, gentle smile on his face. "You can't control your feelings. I understand you don't feel the same." That caring smile fell into a sad frown. 

Sean opened his mouth to say something, but didn't say anything. What do you say to that? He couldn't find his voice anyways. He knew Felix was hurt. Felix was a shy boy, completely self-conscience, it must've taken plenty of bravery to tell Sean. Felix seemed so sure how he felt, so firm with his words, even when his voice shook. 

"I guess I should be leaving then." Felix's eyes fell to the floor and Sean felt guilt settle in his stomach. He nodded slowly.

"I think so," Sean whispered, just enough for Felix to hear. Felix nodded, sniffing though he didn't have tears in his eyes anymore. He just felt blank. He felt sad, yes, but the confusion on handling this made him blank. He didn't have a reaction. 

Felix turned and finally walked out of Sean's room. Sean quietly follow him out. Felix grabbed onto the door knob, turning it but not opening the door. "I'll see you next week, Sean," he said quietly, just above a whisper and left. Walking out the door without a second look or word.


	10. I Didn't Just Realize

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lonely

Felix wasn't at school Monday. He was Tuesday, but he hadn't spoken to Mark or Sean. Sean was too uncomfortable to go up and try to talk to him. It was obvious Sean was the one who did this. Felix didn't smile. He didn't laugh at any jokes made in the classroom. He used the restroom in every class he had with Sean. It was obvious Felix didn't want to see the other. Sean felt terrible. He felt guilty. He just didn't know how he felt. Over the weeks he's known Felix, he never really thought of Felix that way. Of course, he also hadn't payed attention to Felix until the Swede helped him. 

But Felix did. Oh, Felix watched everything Sean did. Felix knew he liked Sean. Sean was so caring and sweet, and yet he seemed so broken. Anything that was broken, Felix wanted to fix. He wanted to help Sean. He wanted Sean. It's obvious he would get jealous and snap. It's obvious he would isolate himself even more than before from being rejected. The first time he actually told someone he liked them, and he gets rejected. 

He wasn't surprised though. He was ugly and pushed people away. How could someone love him if he didn't even love himself? He sighed as the school bell rang. Finally, the day was over. He was luckily able to miss Mark and Sean all day. He just wanted to get home, fall asleep and wait for his mom to come home. It's what he did most days anyways. He quickly left the school, trying to dodge everyone around him. He felt his chest tighten and his heart rate quicken as he tried to get through the ocean of students.

"Oof!" Felix had accidentally bumped into a girl. Shit, now he felt horrible! His anxiety shortened his breathes. He couldn't be rude and just leave her. He gasped slightly, panicking.

"I am so, so sorry! I-I didn't mean to knock you down!" Felix looked down at the brunette girl. His eyebrows raised. It was Marzia. Once he saw her sweet face, his stomach turned. He got butterflies in his stomach, and his anxiety cooled down. He's had a crush on her since freshman year. She was so sweet and beautiful. She probably didn't even know he existed. He put his hand out, which she grabbed. She smiled once she was on her two feet. 

"It's fine, don't worry," she furrowed her brows, "Felix, is it?" Felix froze. She knew his name? Wow, now he remembered why he liked her. She had the cutest voice and beautiful hair and face. She was tiny and small and short, he absolutely adored her!

"Y-Yeah!" His voice shook slightly, from being so anxious and shy. She was in his art class, and she was amazing at it. She always painted things like roses and animals. "You're Marzia! You're in my art class!" He shut his mouth before he could say anything stupid. She let out a short giggle, which his heart melted for. She nodded.

"Yeah, I am. You're in the seat behind me. I've seen some of your work, it's very beautiful." She was complimenting him now? Oh, he could just melt at her feet by now. He could feel his embarrassment rise upon his face in a blush. 

"Wow, um, thanks! I always thought you were the best. You always have such beautiful drawings and paintings, they're so clear and just pretty." She giggled, brushing her hair behind her ear. She had a small smile on, and so did Felix. He had small, nervous smile. 

"Well, thank you very much. I would love to stay and talk more, but my dad says I have to be home quickly. I'll see you in art class tomorrow." She flashed him a friendly smile and waved before heading off to her bus. He politely waved back and watched her walk off. He cleared his throat, looking down. He talked to her. They had a conversation! He was smiling. Sean wasn't on his mind, just Marzia. Felix continued to walk back to his house, not giving one thought to Sean or Mark.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Sean sighed. He actually made it past Chad and Jesse. He was surprised he didn't see them after school. Sean walked to Mark's bus, not even looking for Felix anymore. Mark sighed. "Don't worry. He'll come around soon enough. He just needs some time off for a bit to get his feelings in order." Sean shrugged.

"I guess so," he said quietly, in such a melancholy way. 

Mark sighed again. "Sweetheart, don't worry about it. I promise he will, just give him some time, okay?" Sean nodded.

"Okay."

The two quickly hugged. The Irishman took comfort in the others strong arms. Sean watched Mark get onto the bus before walking back to his house. 

Sean made it back to his house safely. He took his time walking to his room, closing the door and throwing his bag on the floor. He groaned before falling onto his bed face first. "I hate life. I want to die." He felt anger bubble up inside. His stomach turned. He quickly sat up on his knees. No one was there. He was alone. He breathed in before speaking again.

"I want to die." He felt a small confidence in his voice. He didn't know what it was for, but he felt it. He didn't have any siblings to catch him, no parents. No one. "I hate life. I want to die!" Sean felt that anger bubble up even more. He got off his bed and slowly walked over to his door, opening it.

"I can hang myself. I can shoot myself, we have a gun! I know where it is! I can fucking shoot myself! I can fucking cut myself too deep!" He walked out into the hallway, where all the rooms doors met. "Is that what you all want? 'Cause I'm so fucking worthless! No one wants me! No one cares about me!" Sean yelled loudly, not caring if he bothered his quiet neighbors. 

Now he screamed. His anger was an emotional one. Where he knew what he wanted: to die. "I want to fucking kill myself! What is holding me back? I'm always alone! I only see my parents in the morning! Felix probably doesn't want to see me anymore! Mark will leave me, just like everyone fucking else!" He could feel tears sting his eyes as he finally calmed down slightly, leaning again the wall.

'You just realized how lonely you are?'

Sean rolled his eyes. Talking to himself was what he did most. He was constantly having full conversations about life and decisions. Didn't everyone? He didn't know, but he wasn't crazy. He knew that. He was fine. He sighed, shrugging. "I didn't just realize. I know I've always been alone. Why do you think I hate myself so much? I'm ugly, worthless, stupid.. I shouldn't be here. No one wants me here."

{TRIGGER WARNING - YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED}

He started heading back to his room, quickly looking inside of his backpack for his phone. He took off the case carefully and took out the razor that he kept inside. He sat on his bed, hands shaking slightly. He breathed in and out before rolling up his sleeve. He swallowed, looking up into the empty hallway before back down at his arm. He pressed the corner of the razor into his arm before slowly dragging it across his skin. He sighed, pulling it away. He could feel it sting. He swallowed, feeling his stomach turn before repeating himself three times more. 

He pulled his sleeve down, ignoring the pain, and put the razor away and his phone case together. "Fucking idiot.." he muttered to himself. He lay back on his bed, staring at the roof. He sighed again. His stomach was still upset, but he knew it would pass over soon. Maybe. Mark made him ate at least a little at lunch time.

Sean closed his eyes, whispering before falling asleep, "I'm sorry."


	11. I Missed You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It  
> Feels  
> Like  
> Forever

Sean sighed. He looked over at Felix. He tore of a piece of paper from his notebook. It was only math class, he didn't need to take notes. He slid over the paper that simply stated, 'Hey, are you okay?' Felix read the paper, scrunching up his nose before writing back. Sean felt relieved when Felix decided to write back. At least Felix would write back was all he was thankful.

Sean took the paper back and read it as the teacher wasn't paying attention. 'I actually am' Sean's eyebrows rose up, glad to hear a different answer rather than I'm fine or I'm okay. Sean nodded and put the paper in his pocket as he realized the bell was about to ring. He packed everything up and waited for the bell to ring. 

"Hey! Felix!" Sean called the Swede's name as they walked out of class. Felix turned around and looked at Sean, a small smile appearing. 

"Yeah, Sean?" He asked. He seemed more happy than usual, and Sean loved seeing it. He loved seeing the smile that appeared on Felix's face. He loved the fact that Felix actually looked and sounded happy. 

"How have you been? I-It's been a while since we talked, and," Sean gripped the straps of his backpack nervously, looking at the ground, "I just wanted to catch up a little." He kicked the ground slightly, looking up at Felix with his bright blue eyes. Felix chuckled slightly at how shy Sean was being. 

"Yeah, of course! What have you and Mark been up to?" He asked, walking to his next class. They didn't have the same class, but the classes were close together. Sean shrugged.

"Nothing much, really. I went over to his house over the weekend. We played video games," Sean snickered, covering his face with his hand. Felix rose an eyebrow.

"What's up with you?" He asked.

Sean shook his head. "When I was over there, his mom was saying 'Oh! This is the boy you're always talking about!'" The two boys laughed lightly and ended up in front of Felix's class. Sean crossed his arms. "She thinks we're dating.." He said quietly. Felix still heard him. 

"I wouldn't doubt it." Sean suddenly regretted saying it now. Felix still liked him, Sean knew. You don't get over someone over the course of a few days. Though, Felix didn't seem hurt. He seemed very calm and relaxed, a smile still settled on his face.

Sean looked up from the ground again, and his eyes met with Felix's relaxed, soft ones. They looked at each, staring into the others eyes. Both of them missed this. They missed the moments where they had no worries. They missed each other. For a few long seconds, they were lost in each other. Lost in the moment. Lost in feeling like it was just them. No one else mattered. Sean looked down before giving Felix a quick hug. 

Felix was slightly taken back. They've hugged before, but it was so sudden. Felix smiled before wrapping his arms around Sean's small waist. He heard Sean sigh lightly before whispering, "I missed you." 

The words alone broke Felix's heart. Sean sounded so genuine and sad. Felix sighed slightly, "I missed you too. I'm sorry for ignoring you those few days." Sean smiled before pulling away, as he realized people were looking, stuffing his hands in his pockets. 

"Its alright. I understand, Fe. I'll see you at lunch." Sean smiled wider and the other, feeling closure on the situation. They both waved and turned away. 


	12. She Seems Really Nice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Art Class

"Alright, students! Settle down." All the students stood in the room awkwardly. The classroom wasn't set up as usual, and Felix could feel the pressure of being surrounded by the others on his chest already. He looked down to his right. Marzia was there. He felt slightly relieved to have her there. She was nice and extremely sweet and funny. "As you see, the classroom is not set up like it usually is."

The students in Felix's elective art class had just arrived and found no place to sit. The only chairs surrounded three round tables. In the back corner were the aisles that could hold two students each. In the front of the class was a two huge white boards. Felix looked towards the aisles though. He had always been a fan of painting and drawing instead. So was Marzia.

He sighed as he finally sat down at his own seat, Marzia in front of him. He unzipped his backpack and took out the binder for his drawings. He took a glance up at the back of Marzia's head before looking down and started on his drawings. He didn't exactly think of what to draw, but he just started sketching without a thought. An image popped in his head of an owl sitting on a branch all alone. He didn't know why. He always had a thing for sad stuff, or something that he could relate to. Lonliness.

"Hey, Felix?" The Swede looked up and saw Marzia in front of his desk. He smiled slightly and nodded.

"Yeah?" He asked, raising his brow. 

She smiled at him and sat in the desk next to him with her paper. Taking a small glance at his paper. She only saw a wide oval and a branch under it? She didn't ask about it, he obviously wasn't finished. "It's okay if I sit next to you, right?" He nodded and looked back down at his drawing, starting on the wings and feathers of the owl. "What are you going to draw?" She asked. He hummed before answering her quietly.

"I was thinking about just simple owl sitting on a tree branch," he swallowed slightly nervously, glancing at her before his paper again, "in the rain." Was it too sad for her? He knew she was always one for happy and cute stuff. She nodded, going back to drawing her drawing.

"I bet it turns out well," she said calmly, a gentle smile on her face, "I'm drawing my dog that I got about a month ago. She's a pug puppy, and she's just the cutest thing ever." She smiled a bit at the mentioning of her dog. Felix watched her with soft eyes. Marzia really was a gorgeous girl, and she was so sweet. He looked at her paper and could the image of a pug already. He could see the slight wrinkles and chubby body. He always liked pugs as well. They were so adorable and fat! 

The two sat together in class, barely speaking but enjoying the comforting silence. And Felix could feel all the those feelings coming back from his freshman year. Every time she spoke to him, it was so smooth. She seemed to make things brighter and happier. He never gave one thought to Sean or Mark. His chest was slightly tight feeling, but he didn't panic. He was actually comfortable around her. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Felix walked out of class with Marzia, his bag slung over his shoulder. "I can't believe you got that done in forty-five minutes. All of those feathers and rain drops." Marzia was holding Felix's drawing. It was all pencil, a black and white drawing. It was actually kind of pretty. It wasn't pink and bright, but it seemed to have a slightly emotional beauty. She liked it.

He nodded, "Yeah, it was kind of hard to do." He breathed in deep and sighed out, smiling down at her. She handed him the picture back.

"Well, we better head to our next classes," she said with that soft voice of hers that Felix fell for. Those sparkling brown eyes and soft smile of pure joy. He nodded again.

"Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow," he said without any hesitation for once. He watched her walk off towards her classroom and walked to math class to find Sean. 

Sean. That name practically echoes through his mind. He stopped in his tracks, looking down at the ground. He's been talking to Sean again, like how they used to. And again, he could feel his stomach twist. He wasn't sure what emotion made his stomach do turns, but he knew that he still likes Sean. A lot. He started quickly walking to his classroom. 

"Sean!" Felix called out a bit quietly, but Sean turns his head towards his name and smiles at Felix. The smile droops slightly, and Felix can tell that Sean is tired, but he also knows it's genuine. 

"Hey, Fe. What's up?" As Felix gets closer to the shorter male, he can see the bags under Sean's eyes. He felt concerned and slightly worried for the other. He shrugged.

"Nothing much. Just the sky, some clouds, the roof," he smiled at the other and Sean couldn't help but chuckle tiredly. 

"So lame," he said quietly and started heading into class. "No, seriously. I see you with Marzia a lot now She seems really nice." Sean tried to not let his jealousy flow into his words, looking up to Felix as they sat into their seats. Felix's smile dropped, looking down at his desk, setting his backpack on top. 

"Yeah, she really is nice," he didn't know what to say. How could he talk about one crush to the other crush? "Sh-She's in my art class, and she talk to me quite a bit. She doesn't seem to have many other friends, but she seems really happy and she's so small, you know? She like animals, pugs especially, and she really likes cute and bright things." A soft, love-struck smile found it's way to Felix's lips. 

Sean's cheeks had turned pink from slight anger. He didn't know why he was getting so jealous. He felt his stomach turned as he tried not to let anger seep through his words. "Really? Well, she really does seem cool, huh?" He smiled and heard the bell ring. He sighed slightly and nodded, turning forward in his chair. 

Felix nodded, head in hand. "Yep, she really is," he said quietly, but Sean could still hear. He rolled his eyes slightly and called out I'm here so he was marked as present. He sighed and started on his work.


	13. I'm Not Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goner.

Mark knew he should've told Sean before he came over, but he didn't know he would be over. He looked down at his phone while walking down the sidewalk. He texted Sean that he was coming over, but got no answer. Maybe his phone died? Mark didn't know, but his pace quickened as he was getting closer to Sean's house. He heard faint drumming. His eyebrows furrowed and followed the noise. After a few moments of walking, he found Sean's house. That's where the drumming was coming from. 

He made his way up the weak porch steps and found no use in knocking. He tried tot he handle and the door was unlocked, not surprising. Sean probably wouldn't mind if someone would have walked in and killed him. The drumming was louder when he walked in. It actually sounded really good - well, Sean was in a band. Mark made his way through the kitchen and opened the door next to the pantry. And now he's deaf. Mark steps back from his loud the music is and takes a few seconds to go back into the doorway. 

He stands there for a while and watches Sean play. Sean seemed to have headphones in - he was probably listening to the song he was playing. After a few minutes Sean stopped. He was breathing slightly heavily and looked tired tired.

"You have good drumming skills," Mark commented calmly.

Sean squeaked slightly and looked back at Mark. "How long have you been standing there?" Mark shrugged.

"A few minutes, really."

Sean sighed and stood up, taking out his earbuds that hung from under his shirt. "What are you doing here anyways?" He asked, rubbing the back of his neck. Sean walked over to Mark, heading into the house as he pulled down his long sleeves. Mark walked in as well and closed the door behind him. 

He shrugged. "I just wanted to see my bestie," Mark smiled, before frowning curiously. They walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table after Sean grabbed a water bottle. "By the way, how you can you, um, wear long sleeves after intensely drumming like that? Aren't you sweating?" Sean swallowed his water and shook his head.

"I don't sweat," he answered casually, shrugging, "I get these red patches." He pulled down the collar of his sweater and showed Mark the patches on his skin that almost looked like huge bruises or hickies. He let go of his shirt and took another drink of his water.

"But you're still hot." Sean stopped mid-drink, wondering if he was too awkward to make a joke about him being hot or not. He pulled his water bottle away and smirked slightly, winking at Mark. Mark smiled and snickered, brushing his hair out of his face. "No, no. You know, temperature."

Sean chuckled slightly, "I know. Umm, I do- I do get hot, but you know.. I like sleeves more." Mark grew slightly worried, furrowing his brows. 

"Sean? Are you okay?" Marks voice lowered. It wasn't his usual light, gentle, happy voice. It was deep, full of concern. 

Sean stopped, looking down at the table. His expression was blank. He thought for a few seconds. He wasn't okay, he never has been. "I," Sean said, but he didn't say anything else. He didn't know what to say. He didn't look at Mark. 

"Sean-"

Sean pushed out his chair, the chair made a loud grunt against the tile. "I'm fine," he said, getting and leaving to his room. Mark sighed and followed after the other. 

"Sean, please, tell me if anything is wrong." Mark walked into Sean's room, eyebrows furrowing together in concern. Sean fell back onto his bed, curling up on his side after a few seconds. The raven sat on Sean's bed, resting his hand on the others thigh before slowly rubbing it, in attempt to comfort the other. He sighed, stopped the rubbing and just sat there. "Sean," he said quietly, waiting a few seconds, "I love you, okay? You're really nice and sweet and funny. I just want you to be happy. You are not happy. Please, just tell me what is wrong." 

Mark honestly just wanted Sean to be happy. He knew the other was depressed, he just didn't want to assume it. Sean could've just gone through a rough patch and realize that everything would be fine. He didn't want Sean to use excuses like 'I'm fine' or 'I'm just tired'. He wanted Sean to be able to tell Mark everything. 

Sean sniffled. "I'm not okay, Mark." Mark heard the quiver in Sean's voice and he felt his heart shatter. He looked at the other and saw tears. He stood up and lay down next to Sean, pressing their bodies together and hugging him. "Everything just turned to shit so quickly. My parents are never home. My mom will at least try to leave notes for me in the morning, but she never has time. My dad is literally never home. He works so hard, just trying to earn more money before we're fucking homeless or whatever. I thought that people wouldn't mind me being gay, you know. I thought that they would say I'm just another human being trying to make their way through the world. But then they push me around! For two fucking years, everyday! My sisters are too busy with college and trying to get a good career to call me. My brother is the only one that calls me, ever! He tells me to just try and hold on and know that everything will get better! But it hasn't gotten better! Felix and you have made me think that maybe I do have some worth in this world. But then I turn around and know that you're just gonna leave me and Felix is gonna hate me for something stupid I did, and then leave me as well."

Mark took in every word. He absorbed it. He could feel tears threatening his eyes, putting his arm around the other and grabbing Sean's hand. He shook his head, burying his face in the others shoulder. He didn't say anything, not knowing what to say. The two just sat in silence, Sean feeling more comfortable after letting it all out. 

Sean turned over and faced against Marks chest, breathing out and sniffling. "I'm sorry," he whispered. Mark shook his head.

"Don't be."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. I hate septiplier, but I really feel like adding septiplier as an alternate ending, maybe? I don't know.


	14. Over Him

It was finally the weekend. Sean was tired of hearing Felix talk about Marzia. Sean went home, and he was glad to be alone. He wasn't crying or yelling, but he did not want to see people. He threw his bag on the floor and fell on his bed, face first. He sighed and slowly curled into a ball on his side. Sean saw Chad at the end of school, and the other had glared angrily. Sean felt like Chad would try something soon. But, he tried to shrug it off and calm down. He closed his eyes as his breathing slowed. He soon fell asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I don't know. I think I'm starting to get over him." Felix put the stacked plates and cups away, all with one hand, while on the phone with Mark. "I've been spending time with Marzia, and.. God, whenever I'm with her, I never think of Sean. You know? She just puts off this positive vibe, and I absolutely love it so much. I feel so happy when I'm with her, and I can never stop smiling." Felix sat down in his dining room, smiling as he sat on the chair. Talking on the phone usually induced anxiety for Felix, but he felt better than most times now.

"Wow, Fe, she sounds amazing. She's really nice, huh?" Mark asked. He has also noticed Felix's change in behaviour. He seemed more happy and positive. "I've seen that she makes an impact on you. You seem a bit happier since you've been hanging out with her." Mark crossed his legs as he sat on his bed, running his thumb against the nails of his four fingers subconsciously. Felix nodded to Mark's words, but didn't have anything left to say. Mark took the opportunity of the silence and asked Felix, "So, you really think you're getting over Sean?"

Felix frowned softly and thought for a short while. He slowly nodded and got up to head to his room. "I think so. I mean, it sounds stupid, but I think I love Marzia. I've liked her ever since Freshman year. That's a few good years there, every time I thought of her, my stomach just turns and I get nervous-"

"What do you feel when you think about Sean?" 

Felix thought hard and suddenly sighed loudly, gripping onto his hair. "Fuck, I love him. I love him so much. He's.. He's still everything, and I still want to protect him. I want to make him happy. I want him to smile. I want him to enjoy something for once. I want him, Mark, but I can't compare them to each other. I can't say I love one more than the other, because they're completely different and I just.." Felix sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I don't know."

Mark nodded, "I see.. I'm sorry, Fe. I think you should see Sean sometime over the weekend though, he's really not doing well. He believes that we're just leave him soon. It really hurts to see him talk like that." Felix's eyes fell to the floor, looking across the carpeted room. The baby blue walls were slightly sparkling from the sunlight through the window. 

"Yeah, I'll probably ask to come over soon, but I still gotta cook dinner for my mom when she gets back and I'm pretty sure we're going out tomorrow.. Like, out of town." Mark nodded. "So, I won't be able to hang out with him 'till Sunday, possibly."

"Alright.. I really don't trust Sean alone, especially after Wednesday." Felix nodded in agreement.

"Oh, yeah, me neither. He sounds horrible."

"So, do you think I should go over?" Felix thought for a moment. He felt slightly jealous that Mark got so much time to spend with Sean. He wanted to spend time with Sean. They haven't for about a week and it really bothered the Swede. But Felix understood what Mark was getting at.

"How about I ask my mom if I can go over after I make dinner, and all three of us can hang out?" Mark hummed and nodded, hearing the slight desperation in Felix's voice.

"Alright. Text me when you get an answer, mkay?" Felix nodded.

"Okay."

"Alright. I'll tell Sean. Goodbye." The two hung up, Felix sighing before groaning. Now he had to make dinner and text his mom. Standing up and walking to the kitchen, he sent his mom a text saying, 'Can I go to a friend's house after I make dinner?'

He awaited for his mom to text back so he could tell Mark. Hopefully she wasn't too busy at work. Felix was relieved when she answered pretty quickly.

'Did you finish dinner? When you do, you can go. Do you want to spend the night?'

Felix thought for a moment, before asking Mark over texting. Mark had said, 'Sure'. So, he went back to his mom's contact. 'I'm making dinner right now and can I spend the night?'

'Yes, just make sure to pack everything you need, okay?'

Felix smiled as he got his answer, quickly telling Mark before working on dinner. He wanted to see Sean so badly, his chest was pressured with excitement. He sighed heavily, trying to finish his work quickly.


	15. We Love You

Felix arrived at Sean's house, knocking on the door with a light smile. He had his bag slung over his shoulder as he waited for one of them to open to door. He heard some muffled voices before the door swung open, revealing his pink-haired friend. He had his usual huge, friendly smile. 

"Hey, Felix!" He greeted, pulling the other in and shutting the door. They hugged quickly. Felix looked around, looking around the small living room. Sean wasn't there. Mark noticed and piped up again," Oh, Sean's in his room. He's been cleaning up for you." Mark's smile softened to Felix, eyes giving an understanding look. Felix smiled some more and nodded. Though what would Sean have to clean? He didn't really own much. They both headed to the bedroom to set down Felix's bags down. The door creaked open as Mark lightly pushed it. Sean was on his toes, trying to set his small Deadpool bobble-head down. Mark snickered, walked over and took it from Sean, barely having to stand on his toes to set it down. 

"Not fair.." Sean pouted, crossing his arms and looking down. He turned slightly and immediately snapped his head up when he saw Felix's figure. His eyes widened slightly before he ran and over and hugged the other. "You're here!" Felix let his backpack fall off of his arm and wrapped his arms around Sean's waist, hugging the other tightly. Mark watched with warm, soft eyes. Sean was obviously incredibly happy to see Felix. They haven't seen each other, other than school. School wasn't enough though, all of them knew it. 

"Why wouldn't I be?" Felix asked as they pulled away, still each other's arms. Sean shrugged, looking to the side. 

"I don't know.." he said quietly, still smiling lightly. They both let their arms fall. "Um, just set your bag down by my bed, next to Mark's." Felix nodded, doing as instructed. Sean must've swept and dusted. His hardwood floor was slicker and his dresser looked, well, less dusty. Sean's stories were still hung up by push pins, though there were a few pictures that hung up. Felix squinted his eyes and walked over to Sean's wall. Sean didn't even seem to panic or protest Felix going over to where his stories were, even though he was very protective over them. 

There were printed photographs, almost like Polaroid pictures. One of Felix listening to music when Sean decided to catch the bus and sit with him that morning. Another was Mark and Sean making funny faces that you would make to have a child laugh. Felix smiled at them. "Mark let me use his printer, I think, to print them out.. off my phone," Sean explained awkwardly, biting his lip. Felix nodded before looking back at Mark who stood awkwardly.

"Should I go order the pizza and get out the movies you wanted?" Mark asked, already walking backwards to the living room. Sean nodded, thanking Mark for leaving them alone. He really missed Felix, and he really just wanted to spend time with the blonde. Mark nodded and headed out. Felix sat on Sean's bed, looking back up at the photos. 

"Why'd you decide to print them out?" There were multiple reasons, but Felix couldn't think of one in that moment. His mind was really just stuck around the image of him. He looked healthy, like he actually ate and got sleep. No wonder Sean took that picture, he actually looked good for once. Sean sat next to Felix, looking up at the photos now as well. 

"As reminders that people do love me, so when I'm feeling like shit again I can look at those." The boys looked at each other. Thee was something in the air, a certain tension that made Felix's palms grow sweaty. They watched the other's eyes, looking for something that they didn't know of. Felix leaned closer to Sean's face hesitantly, but neither made any more movements to get closer. Felix wanted to lean in and capture the smaller's boys lips in his. The only thing holding him back was the terrified look in Sean's eyes. Panic seemed to strike Sean when they were so close, Felix didn't want to make Sean uncomfortable, so he leaned back. Relief seemed to wash over Sean. 

"I love you, Sean." Sean's pale face tuned slightly red, almost making Felix panic. "Mark loves you. Your parents love you, your siblings," Felix swallowed. The emotion of the scene changed so quickly. Felix was nervous speaking to Sean like this, but he knew the other needed this. He had to put up pictures of his friends so he can be reminded that people love him! Felix just wanted to bundle the other up in his arms and hold him the entire night. Maybe he could. He's sleeping over afterall. "We love you, please don't doubt that." 

Sean looked away, exhaling almost shakily. "Alright, Felix. I love you guys too." Felix smiled. 

"Good. Let's not make Mark wait any longer now," He stood up, looking down at Sean. Sean nodded and stood up. 

"Alright."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short gay chapter that I wanted to bust out. Really losing motivation for this story, even though I love it like a child. Chapters are slow, but be prepared for something BIG to come up that will make some of you hate me, cry or.. I dunno, but yee


	16. Author Note

Hey. So, my family and I have switched phones. We took an upgrade, and they were able to switch our pictures and contacts over, but nothing else. Therefore, I have lost three chapters for this story and notes for this story. I had written in my Notes app three full future chapters for The Way He Feels. I knew I should have switched them over to Quotev, but I didn't think about them in the moment. I will try my best to re-write them, but they won't be as powerful because you can never write such strong emotions a second time. I am so sorry, they will be slightly watered down. I really wish I wasn't a fucking idiot, and I will try to think ahead in the future. 


	17. It's You!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //This is actually what me and my friends do

"Mark, would you kiss Felix for twenty dollars?" Sean asked. All three were on the ground, against the couch instead of on it. Sean's head rested in Felix's lap while his legs lay over Mark's thighs. Sean chewed on his hoodie string while waited for an answer. 

"I'd kiss him for five," Mark snorted. Sean laughed, looking up at Felix's face. Face chuckled, looking up at Mark. Mark blew Felix a kiss, getting more laughs out of the boy. 

"Nice," Sean said quietly, looking at his Instagram feed. Felix watched his screen, trying to think of more questions to ask his friends. Felix opened his mouth, but Sean beat him. "Mark, again. Would you suck a dick for free?" Felix choked on laugh, trying to stifle it and failing. Mark laughed along and nodded.

"Why wouldn't I- Well, it depends on who. Like, yours and Felix's, hell yeah. My future husband? Yes!" Sean nodded.

"True, makes sense." Felix looked down at Sean, the little pervert.

"And what about you, Sean?" He asked, a sassy tone adding onto what he asked. "Would you suck dick for free?"

Sean shrugged casually. He didn't even know how he seemed so nonchalant on this topic. "I don't know, maybe. If I could, yeah. I have a bad gag reflex, it's actually hard to brush my teeth sometimes because of it." Mark and Felix's eyes widened.

"Shit, that sucks," Felix said, looking back at Sean's phone screen. All boys fell silent while looking at social media, trying to find anything the sparked up a conversation. Mark sat up, holding Sean's legs on his lap. He placed his phone on the coffee table.         

"I got a truth or dare app, if you guys wanna try it out?" Mark asked. Sean slowly sat up as Felix scoffed lightly, though not seriously.

"What are we, twelve years old?" He asked, though taking the phone from Mark. They had to put in names for the game, so he did.

"Yeah," Mark muttered, watching Felix carefully. Felix sighed and clicked on truth, eyes widening at the next question. He laughed. "How about we answer whatever truth question comes up," Mark asked, though neither of the boys answered him. Sean sat up, leaning on Mark as Felix scooted closer to the two.

"Have you ever talked about your friends behind their back?" Felix asked, looking at his friends. "I never really had friends, so I can't say that I did."

"Goes the same for me," Sean answered, looking at Mark. He looked so guilty, biting his lip as he smiled at the other two. 

"Umm, there may have been one time, or quite a few.. It was only making fun of them, and it's the type of making fun where they'd laugh too. We always made joke about each other, I just recycled them and told my mom." More questions and stupid dares rolled by until Felix landed on a truth question. He pulled the phone to his chest, keeping in giggles. 

"What is it?" Sean asked cautiously. Felix showed him the screen and Sean's face flushed red. "Oh God.." Mark looked over Sean, at his phone screen, and chuckled.  What have you had fantasies about?

"Oh boy.. that's a nice question, don't you think?" Sean shook his head at Mark, face being covered by his hands. "Umm, I don't really think about sex a lot. Rarely, actually.. I don't have wild fantasies, nothing weird or kinky." He shrugged, smirking down at Sean. "What about you, Sean?" The other groaned in response, shaking his head. 

"I don't wanna," he whined, pulling his hands away from his burning face. "Why is that a question? That's horrible," he chuckled. Felix rolled his eyes, nodding along.

"Yeah, how about who we've had fantasies about?" He asked with a smirk. Sean leaned against the couch, head leaning back.

"Oh my God- I'm not answering that."

"I will!" Mark cut in, raising his hand. No shame whatsoever in his eyes. Sean raised a brow, his cheeks just starting to calm down and go back to his usual pale skin. "My boyfriend, well ex-boyfriend."

"You had a boyfriend?" Sean asked, eyes widening slightly. "Man, I wish my parents weren't homophobic," he said, sounding more grumpy than actually hurt. Mark and Felix still took pity on him. 

"I'm sorry, Sean," Mark said quietly, wrapping his arm around the other. Felix didn't bother glaring at Mark and putting on a jealous look. As much as he wanted to hug Sean as well, he'd let Mark hug Sean, but only Mark.

Sean shrugged. Sure, he minded it. He hated being the only gay son out of four siblings with homophobic parents. His brother and one of his sisters at least accepted the SAGA (Sexuality and Gender Acceptance) community, but the last one stuck the parent's side. Sean had only come out to his brother, Malcom, he was really the only sibling Sean was close to. Sean shook his head. His friends were over! He's not going to make them sad and uncomfortable by talking about his hateful parents. "Anyways," he looked towards Mark, "Tell us about your boyfriend, Mark?" He has a smug smirk on his face.

Felix seemed to get slightly excited, smiling wide when Sean pushed. "Yeah! Tell us, Mark!" Mark rolled his eyes.

"Alright, I guess. He was someone I met back in Cincinnati, in middle school. My friend, Tyler, met him and they became friends during a basketball game in PE, I think. Um, we started talking a lot and he came over to my house a lot, played games, and yeah. We started dating." He looked up at Sean and Felix's expressions. Sean looked almost concerned, and Felix looked extremely bored. 

"Seriously? What's his name? What did he look like?" Felix asked like some high school gossip girl. 

"Felix! He doesn't have to tell us everything," Sean said quickly, glaring back up at the Swede.

"He didn't tell us anything! I've never been in a gay relationship! I wanna know what it's like.." Felix pouted, sticking out his spit-slicked, beautiful pink bottom lip at Sean. How did he actually look cute pulling that off? Sean didn't know, but it worked on him and Mark both. 

"Alright, fine. His name is Ethan, and he's actually shorter than Sean. He's very small, very fragile, and so fucking adorable. We didn't have a bad break-up? I just couldn't handle long-distance stuff, so we mutually agreed to break it up. We don't really talk anymore, but maybe I can find his number somewhere or contact Tyler and get it from him." Mark shrugged, looking up at his boy's with a tired smile. Felix nodded.

"Meh. So, it was just regular?" Felix's mind quickly shifted back to the question and how fast Mark perked up to raise his hand. "-Wait, did you guys have sex!" Mark's face reddened slightly at the question. Sean snorted a laugh, trying to hold it in. Why was Felix so interested in Mark's past relationship? Especially around the sexual area?

"W-Well, yeah. Not a lot, but we did," Mark answered shyly, biting his lip and crossing his arms.

"Aww, you're cute," Sean said,"That story is nice! I'm glad it wasn't a horrible, shitty relationship and breakup. Anyways, I'm still somehow hungry. Two pizzas aren't enough, especially with you two assholes. I barely got anything." Sean shook his head. Well, Felix and Mark loved eating, especially compared to Sean. They still had a few leftovers of the meat lover, specially for Mark. The pineapple and ham was only halfway done, due to Mark's hate for it and Felix being neutral to pineapple's on pizza. 

"Eat your disgusting pineapple, you got a lot over there." Mark pulled his box towards his side of the coffee table. Sean pulled on an offended expression, mouth gaped. 

"How dare you!" Sean scoffed. He continued to grab a slice and bite into the cold pizza, immediately regretting his decision and grimacing at the taste. He swallowed it down and shook his head. "I don't understand cold pizza.." He put the piece back. He stood up and stepped over Felix, trying not to shove his butt in the other's face, and walked to the kitchen.

"So, Sean!" Mark shouted.

"Yeah?"

"Who did you have fantasies about?" Sean blushed again, glaring at the ground. He was glad Mark and Felix couldn't see into the kitchen and at him. He sighed. 

"Mark, I'm not answering that. I told you guys." Sean sighed, looking back into the living room. "Do you want anything to drink?" Mark shook his head. 

"Water, please," Mark said. Sean turned, grabbed a bottle from the fridge and threw it to Mark. "Come on! We're all friends! There's nothing to be shy about." Sean looked at Felix, who was paying attention to whatever he was playing on Mark's phone. Mark eyed Sean, watching him carefully. Sean and Mark caught eye contact.         

"You wanna know so badly?" Sean said. Felix now looked up.

"Say it! I want to know too." Sean's eyes pulled on a guilty expression. 

"Ah, I'm not ready to tell you yet, Fe." Mark laughed at Felix, looking at the Swede behind Sean as he sat down. Sean sat with his legs crossed under him. 

"Not ready? What do you mean! Is it Chris Pratt? Because that's pretty obvious." Sean sighed and poked Felix's nose.

"Not yet, okay? I will tell you soon though, don't worry too much." Felix sighed and went to Mark's phone, a grumpy expression now settling on his face. Sean leaned over to Mark's ear and whispered something Felix  couldn't hear, no matter how close he tried to lean in. Mark gasped and smiled wide.

"I knew it! Ha! I fucking knew it!" Felix groaned. 

"Sean!" he drug out the other's name like a whining child, "Tell me! Please! I won't tell anyone else!" Sean was really getting tired of still hiding his feelings, he just didn't want to make Felix uncomfortable. 

"You wanna know so badly? It's you!" Mark was watching the whole thing, covering his mouth in shock. Felix's perfect cheeks turned lovely shade of red. 

"Wait, are you serious?" he asked innocently, looking at Sean closely. Sean sighed and looked at Felix with a sarcastic expression on his face. Felix wasn't sure to take Sean seriously or not, but he decided to be quiet. 

Everyone kept quiet. Mark was still in shock slightly and Felix too shy and embarrassed to say anything. Sean seemed way too calm after he just admitted about having fantasies about his best friend, who had a crush on him. Sean check the time on his phone. "It's almost twelve.. My parents will be home soon," he said, almost sadly. 

"Oh! Neither of them have met me or Felix." Sean nodded.

"Yeah.. When they get here, make sure not to say anything gay or weird, okay?" Neither of the boys questioned him. They just nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo! Another shitty chapter I wanted to bust out. I really don't like this one. All of the character's seem off and everything feels like it was rushed. I'll try to make the next chapter not-so rushed and taped together, like paper. 


End file.
